It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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