K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
