I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
