My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
