the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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