I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
