burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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