Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
