had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize