Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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