You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
