Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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