i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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