She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
