dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
