pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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