Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
