My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
