I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
