I'm going to jail i love you
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're a waste of cheezeits
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
