hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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