too bad you live with your parents still
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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