My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
