I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
