shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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