There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
