Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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