I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You're like the curious george of whores
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
