as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
