I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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