I puked a lego.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i think my cat just said my name.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
