i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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