She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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