p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
