I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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