No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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