I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
