I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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