I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize