Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
