how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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