...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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