ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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