I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
