Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
