So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
