Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
