I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
