Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
