If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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