Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
