i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think weed is turning my hair brown
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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