My sheets look like a crime scene.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
