So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I need a burrito and a hug.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
