She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
