batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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