Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
