I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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