drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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