Me too!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
