First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize