i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have fence marks all over my body
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
