Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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