I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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