You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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