Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
