Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
