i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
