did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
