Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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