She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
