I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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