Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
