I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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