I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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