Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
