Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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