you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
