hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
