i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she told me i tasted like america
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
