HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize