I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
