Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize