Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
