i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
