i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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