YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There's always time for handjobs
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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