When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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