His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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