Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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