I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
