You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
