I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
