Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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