New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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