people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
