i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
