My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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