I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
